It's time... (or: The Gret Croc Debate)

Yes, my friends, the time has come for the Great Croc Debate. Except this is going to be more like the great-rant-on-why-I-hate-crocs.

But, feel free to chime in and tell me why I'm right. Or wrong, I suppose.

Reason #1: They're ugly.

Yes, yes, this is a matter of opinion, and I recognize that, but they look like gardening clogs. And, really, who would wear their gardening clogs out and about in the real world?

(yuck)



Reason #2: They were originally developed to be spa shoes. Crocs, like Uggs (more on Uggs here), are footwear that became street wear by accident (though I'm sure that the stakeholders in both companies are pleased about it, I can't say I share their enthusiasm). Originally developed as a spa shoe, I can understand why it was a successful design. It's soft and comfy, has all those holes for ventilation, the toe is quite wide and roomy, so it probably would be good to protect your pedicure without ruining it, and they come in a bunch of wild colours. Sure, I might wear them in a spa. Keywords here: in a spa. Just like slippers don't belong on the street, neither do spa shoes.

Reason #3: They give you the weirdest tan lines. As a shoe that was not meant to be in light stronger than the soft glow of spa ambiance, the idea of tan lines was never a factor in their design. Or, they completely disregarded it on purpose, who knows. But, the fact of the matter is that if you wear Crocs in the sun, your feet will look like this:

 

Why people would do this to themselves voluntarily if beyond me. A flip-flop or sandal tan is one thing (no one is exempt, unfortunately), but if you footwear make your feet look diseased.... That's quite another.

Now, like Uggs, Crocs have expanded their product line and recognized that people need something less horrible to put on their feet. And, I have no problem with these designs, but, please, leave the originals in the spa.

I actually think the pink heels are quite cute, though I do worry what would happen if you wore those yellow bubble flats in the sun too long... Bubble-toes.

Monkey feet (or: the lesser of two evils)

New York story the first: the monkey feet.

As I told you, my mum had been having trouble with her orthotics, and was wearing them in a pair of those Sketchers Shape-Ups (which are pretty much the reason she fell last trip, the soles of those things can be precarious...). She was suffering from cruel and unusual punishment, walking on them 10-12 hours daily, and had had enough.

So, while I was shopping for snuggly sweaters for my man, she snuck into the shoe section and attempted to find something sensible (read: comfy, but inevitably ugly as hell). She found a pair of really awful fleece-lined clogs, a pair of less awful pseudo-Mary Janes in tan leather, and a pair of horrific Fila toe-shoes in baby blue.

Thankfully, the clogs for vetoed, the toe-shoes didn't fit and the Mary Janes made the cut. They worked spendidly... until the next day, when the blisters kicked in.

Slightly enamoured with the toe-shoes (which I had not-so-lovingly dubbed "monkey feet"), she struck out in search of a pair that did fit, and we found them, in Soho. Adidas, this time, which I suppose is a little better...

 

Once we had located the things, we went through a very round-about process of men's sizes masquerading as women's sizes and finally, my mum found the ones that fit her tootsies...

 

And, her feet breathed a sigh of relief, while I promised that I "wouldn't not be seen with her" while she was wearing them.

 

I tried them on, too, a purely academic exercise. I'm not above doing unpleasant research to please my readers.  

 

Verdict? They're weird. I used to wear toe-socks when I was about 12, and these were a lot like those, but more sturdy. I won't be rushing out to buy them anytime soon, but my mum swears they were the most comfy thing she's ever put on her feet. So, there you go... If you're going camping, marathon walking, or need to walk several miles everyday on pavement, these may be for you.

I would most likely hate them less if they were black, or some less-conspicuous colour...

I guess these aren't so offensive... No, forget it, I hate them.

Also, my absolute worst nightmare embodied in footwear was realised during this trip. We were shopping in the massive dollar store, and stumbled upon these:

Not only are they monkey feet, but they're Crocs. Worse, they're foam Crocs from a dollar store. I shudder just looking at them.

One day in the very near future, I will write a post (read:rant) detailing exactly why I despise Crocs (and their wintertime partners-in-fashion-crime, Uggs), but for now, let me just say this: they should be outlawed.

The only redeeming quality about these is that they're childrenswear. Children can get away with wearing the most horrific things and they're still cute. I will admit there was one day where I put on a plaid dress and a pair of bright polka-dot socks, thinking they went together because they were both patterned. Give me a break, I was three.

Not quite like this, but I'll go with it. Think smaller, louder, and more multi-coloured.