Monkey feet (or: the lesser of two evils)

New York story the first: the monkey feet.

As I told you, my mum had been having trouble with her orthotics, and was wearing them in a pair of those Sketchers Shape-Ups (which are pretty much the reason she fell last trip, the soles of those things can be precarious...). She was suffering from cruel and unusual punishment, walking on them 10-12 hours daily, and had had enough.

So, while I was shopping for snuggly sweaters for my man, she snuck into the shoe section and attempted to find something sensible (read: comfy, but inevitably ugly as hell). She found a pair of really awful fleece-lined clogs, a pair of less awful pseudo-Mary Janes in tan leather, and a pair of horrific Fila toe-shoes in baby blue.

Thankfully, the clogs for vetoed, the toe-shoes didn't fit and the Mary Janes made the cut. They worked spendidly... until the next day, when the blisters kicked in.

Slightly enamoured with the toe-shoes (which I had not-so-lovingly dubbed "monkey feet"), she struck out in search of a pair that did fit, and we found them, in Soho. Adidas, this time, which I suppose is a little better...

 

Once we had located the things, we went through a very round-about process of men's sizes masquerading as women's sizes and finally, my mum found the ones that fit her tootsies...

 

And, her feet breathed a sigh of relief, while I promised that I "wouldn't not be seen with her" while she was wearing them.

 

I tried them on, too, a purely academic exercise. I'm not above doing unpleasant research to please my readers.  

 

Verdict? They're weird. I used to wear toe-socks when I was about 12, and these were a lot like those, but more sturdy. I won't be rushing out to buy them anytime soon, but my mum swears they were the most comfy thing she's ever put on her feet. So, there you go... If you're going camping, marathon walking, or need to walk several miles everyday on pavement, these may be for you.

I would most likely hate them less if they were black, or some less-conspicuous colour...

I guess these aren't so offensive... No, forget it, I hate them.

Also, my absolute worst nightmare embodied in footwear was realised during this trip. We were shopping in the massive dollar store, and stumbled upon these:

Not only are they monkey feet, but they're Crocs. Worse, they're foam Crocs from a dollar store. I shudder just looking at them.

One day in the very near future, I will write a post (read:rant) detailing exactly why I despise Crocs (and their wintertime partners-in-fashion-crime, Uggs), but for now, let me just say this: they should be outlawed.

The only redeeming quality about these is that they're childrenswear. Children can get away with wearing the most horrific things and they're still cute. I will admit there was one day where I put on a plaid dress and a pair of bright polka-dot socks, thinking they went together because they were both patterned. Give me a break, I was three.

Not quite like this, but I'll go with it. Think smaller, louder, and more multi-coloured.